Amber (filly05) wrote,
Amber
filly05

trouble with a password

Passwords....
You have them for everything right? after so long you end up with a set of regularly used passwords. for some reason i have never had such a hard time getting into anything than i do when i am trying to log in to Livejournal. worst part about it all is i cant just have the password emailed to me because the email that is registered with my account is an old email that no longer exists. and to switch the emails they want confirmation from the first email... so in everyway... i just have to guess thru every password ive ever used.

anyways... i am here, and most likely will be here more often because Facebook is no longer a "safe" place to express my thoughts, or rather my frustrations. too many offensive eyes. On here i know there is basically no one who reads my journal anymore, so what the heck, why not.

Of course most of my frustrations lately are all coming from either family (sister in law) or the so called best friend. i dont even know where to start. I am just so fed up with all of them.

ok im only going to give the short version of the story...Jamie, Ryans wife is crazy! they are both being extremely selfish lately. they got themselves in over their heads on a house they just bought. and in order to pay for it, she is electing to work 7 days a week basically. including the days they are supposed to have Evan and Aden. So she asked me to quit my job so i could watch Evan and Aden on those weekends. well i dont think that was fair. we cant afford for me not to work anymore than they cant afford for her not to work. so then we worked out a plan that i would work a measly 4 hrs on saturday nights and shed work 8 hrs in the mornign and afternoon. and id watch the boys during that time.
but thru all this she is so back and forth and two faced about it all with Sue and myself and Kyle.  i wont go into the rest of the drama for now. simply because i dont want to type it all out.

ok so with Jess...oh my goodness... she is a piece of work. ok a year ago, i tried asking her why she never made an effort to be apart of Charlies life. or even tried to make time for me as her best friend. i was seriously doubting wether i was her best friend or not. i am still leaning towards the not. anyways, she got all upset about it and stopped talking to me. wouldnt talk to me for almost a year. just this past march or April i think, i text her asking if she planned on ever talking to me again. Apparently she thought that we would just pick up right where we left off. but not from my end. She did to me exactly what the people from Litchfield did to me. that really hurt! i was such a mess. I just cant keep doing this back and forth thing. I have loved her to pieces in the past, but emotionally, i cant afford to invest that much emotion into her anymore.

orrrr so i thought. She invited me to her baby shower. i went... glad i did because i was able to reconnect with Chernique, a friend from high school here in michigan, and wow i had sadly forgotten how awesome she is. We ended up going for a coffee/hot chocolate date to starbucks the other day just to hang out and talk (i was having a rather emotional day) and i told her about everything between Jess and i. and we both see alot of things that Jess needs help with..emotionally. we are really hoping that having a baby will help her in that emotional maturity and change. but we both agreed that she has a hard time feeling and expressing emotion...but i also think she might have a hard time recognizing emotion.
ugh there is just soo much. At one point i was ready to walk away from this relationship with Jess and be at peace with the fact. but now after talking with Chernique i have had a kindof renewed sense of not wanting to give up on her. but its just so hard to not want to give up when all i feel like she does is push me away. gosh now im crying trying to type. i KNOW that i need to get to a point where i can talk to Jess and try to let her know what it is i need from her as a friend. but im afraid that will push her away again.
anywho.. its late and i told Kyle id be in to bed shortly...that was half an hour ago.
Goodnight for now...
p.s. i just downloaded the livejournal app on my phone so i can hopefully update more often and now even from my phone/ipad!!! yay!!!
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