Amber (filly05) wrote,

So frustrated

So i talked to Kyle Friday night about the options I was given by the doctor.
Well my original motivations were to pursue the infertility thing and to worry about the pains I get at another time. All because I am so desperate for another child. Kyle however made the argument that I needed to look into having the surgery done. His reasoning was that even though its easy to look past the pains now because I'm not having any at the moment, I still am incapacitated when I do have them. I usually end up missing work when I get them. He seemed very positive and open to getting me taken care of.
So by him making that argument I made the assumption that he was on board to help me get this taken care of. Boy who was I kidding. He doesn't want me to have any of it done. It because we can't really afford it. I understand it. We would be stuck with $5,000 Of the bill. And then if I did end up getting pregnant after the fact then that would be another five thousand we'd probably have to pay.
The logical side of me says I need to hold off grit my teeth thru any other episodes I may have, and wait until Kyle is out of school and has a foot in the door somewhere. But that is still another two years away!!! I don't want Charlie to have to wait until he's 8 to have a sibling. He's already asking. He's asking quite often actually and making comments like wether he'd rather have a brother or sister or something he'd like to play with a brother or sister. It breaks my heart every time he asks. Kyle can't take more classes to get thru school any faster because he can't stay focused on more than one or two. And I sure don't want to go thru another two years worth of these pains. UGH!!!!! I don't know what to do. Tonight Kyle keeps saying he doesn't care, it's my body so I should do what I want. So now I'm super confused and it just makes me mad, sad and emotional as all get out!
Well I'm going to try to go to bed for now. Good night.

Tags: via ljapp
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