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Wednesday, January 9th, 2008

Time:12:23 pm.
wow so its been awhile since i last posted an entry.
hmm updates...
well we went back to michigan for Christmas. I had a really good time this year. I felt like i was more apart of the family this year..unlike last year.  
For the trip, we decided to go down through Chicago instead of going through the U.P. to try and avoid the snow. 
HAHAHA! instead we hit a snow storm in Wisconsin. which slowed us down to about 35-40 miles an hour. so the going was very slow.  we saw truckers and cars in the ditches everywhere. it turned our 15 hour drive into a 22 hour drive.
Since i had been sitting in the car for that whole time, when we finally got to Kyles moms house, i was really really really swollen!. it was horrible. my ring on my finger was so tight! and my feet were triple their normal size! and my face was so round i didnt look like me! that night i got up to go to the bathroom and from the light coming from the night light i saw my face in the mirror..and wow it was even rounder! i had two chins. lol. so the next morning i was talking to my mom on the phone and i mentioned how swollen i was. and she told me to call my doctors nurse about it. i honeslty wasnt worried about it. because other than my sinus's and cheeks hurting from being so swollen and my eyes barely open..i felt fine. i was out of breath alot more than usual but i figured it was just from being tired from the trip. but i called the nurse anyways. and she told me to be seen by a doctor as soon as possible. i was like..umm ok. so i go tell kyle whos just getting out of the shower. and hes like your kidding. i was like i wish i was. 
so for Christmas Eve we drove into Grand Blanc to the hospital to their ER. i was surprised at how quickly they broght me in. apparently i was more of a concern than i originally thought.  so i get into the room and they are telling me that they are worried about blood clots. it never dawned on me about blood clots. 
so they did CT scans to see if there were any in my lungs and what not. and the ladies that where in there were Chastising me for not asking my doctor if i could travel. they said that long drives like that raise my risk of premature labor. and blood clots. 
but anyays...after all that i was perfectly fine.  just lots of fluid built up from the long drive...(my initial guess) 
so we get back to kyles moms house and go on with Christmas. 
one thing that i've never done before is open gifts on Christmas Eve. and thats what we did this year. it was weird cuz the next morning we all got up...and the only thing to look forward to was breakfast. lol presents were already done. it was really odd. 
then that after noon we headed to Kyles Dads house. we opened presents there. most of it was baby stuff. but i got a MASH bag and another horse calendar and a MASH mouse pad. 
lol we played apples to apples with the family. then Kyle, his dad , and step mom all started playing this Kareoke game on PS2. it was pretty funny..seeing my hubby hit those high notes as well as seeing his dad sing! the next day we headed back to kyles moms house. and i helped out with some of the preparations for the baby shower that kyles mom was throwing for me on friday. then Sue and i went shopping. she bought me a tons of maternity clothes. which was so nice! that night we went to dinner with David allen and his gf Jamie. that was fun.
Thursday, we didnt do a whole lot. but we did meet up with a bunch of our friends tthat night for dinner at Steak and Shake. like we used to before we moved. it was alot of fun seeing everyone again.
after dinner we followed Mike and Jesse around while they did some shopping ans stuff. then we decided to go to David allens house and play Apples to Apples. that was realy fun!  then we went home and went to bed. i fellinto bed i was so tired. lol. 
Friday was the Baby shower. Liz B. and Kandice S. came. Sue had told me that both were planning to come.  so i was exstatic! lol, but liz was a lil late..so i got worried. but then she showed up and it was all good. i am so glad that both Kandice and Liz came! i was worried that it was all going to be the people that Sue invited that i really dont know very well..like the people from her work. and there were someothers too.. but with liz and kandice there i felt better.  I think both Liz and Kandice both won a prize with the games.  lol and i didnt even help Liz out on the name game. lol. i thought that was pretty cool. Liz left early though cuz she wasnt feeling well. im just glad she came though! it meant alot to me!
hmm Saturday came and we packed everything up and left. we had good weather the whole way! which was so nice. so our trip only took about 14 or 15 hours total ithink. plus Kyles mom gave us money to stop at a hotel. so that also helped alot too. we got home Sunday afternoon. then we just kinda plopped ourselves in bed and fell asleep early that night. especially since Kyle was so tired and had to work the next morning. 

so yeah that was our trip.

as for other updates. im not sure if i've updated  on my job situtation yet..but i dont work for Subway anymore..thansk goodness. now i work for  a Trucking Company. and im an office manager...lol although i'm the only one i manage other than the cat. im only working 4 hours a day just like subway. but im being payed alot more. and the job is less demanding physically. and my boss, Pete is more flexible when it comes to my Doctors appointments. which is SOO nice! so yeah im happy now. the only time i get frustrated is when Pete's Fiance, Hope, gets smart with me. she can frustrate me pretty quickly but what ever. lol. 

hmm as for the baby..as of today i am about 30 weeks. so less than 10 weeks left! till i can hopefully stop waddling around! lol everyone likes to tell me how big i am. and remind me that im going to be getting even bigger..and how they all feel bad for me. now everytime i hear something of the sort i just roll my eyes.  the baby is defentily doing well i think. for one, he's defentily growing without any problems. and he likes to keep me awake at night by kicking and neading my stomack with his heels. after awhile my stomach actually starts to get sore from all of the activity. after awhile i start to feel like i've just done a complete abb workout in the gym or something. my muscles get so tired they ache. lol. 
well im getting tired of typing for now so ithink im going to say good by for awhile. 
Tootlez for now!
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Wednesday, November 14th, 2007

Subject:It's a Boy!
Time:4:18 pm.
 well we went to the Doctors yesterday..and came to two conclusions....ONE...IT'S A BOY!!! and TWO...i need a new doctor!!

so if you want to see Ultra sound pics and other baby related pics just click on Baby Pics.

We have been thinking about names....well actually i have for the most part since Kyle and i agreed that He got to chose the first girls name and i got to chose the first boys name...lol so the ones i have thought of so far is   Charlie Andrew or Greyson Zeb or even Charlie Greyson....but Kyle likes Greyson Zeb the best...so who knows...lol.


and all im going to say online is that the Doctor needs to not make assumptions unless she has hard core evidence to back her up. if shes not carefull she could have a lawsuit slapped to her so fast!! but yeah.. we'll keep it G rated..lol   so if you end up in the Bemidji Area and are looking for an OB or Gyno...talk to me first and i'll let you know which one to stay away from!!

oh and Subway still sucks!
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Saturday, October 20th, 2007

Time:10:58 pm.
 i dont even know what im going to write about. but i'm bored.
maybe i'l make it a complaining session...
 since wednesday i've been feeling like crap. and wednesday night i was in the emergency room, and again they are telling me nothing is wrong.  but there are several things that a defenitly different. but i cant convince them of it.  i wont wont go into to detail...cuz they're details you wont want to know. bot only am i feeling like crap but there is a di9fference in something which they say they cant see a difference..but they didnt see it before it changed. and it was fine till wednesday. but anyways they sent me home and told me to follow up with my Dr. in a couple of days. while i was in the Emergency room they gave me an IV with some medicine in it for the nausea. so i stayed home from work on thursday, and i started feeling better by that afternoon. but then friday morning about 3:30 it hit me again. a little worse this time with cramps that accompanied the nausea. so i called the nurse again, and told her and she said that my doctor wasnt in that day but she went and talked to the doctor that was in the office that day. and he wanted me to come in and do more labs. then the nurse gave me another note for work. excusing me through tuesday, when i have another appointment with my doctor. and until then im supposed to be on bedrest. which to me sucks. i'm getting soo bored!! the T.V. is no longer very entertaining. and the internet only lasts so long. 
but anyways, so when i called into work. Tom was ok and relatively understanding. but when i stopped by after doing the labs to drop off my doctors note, tom told me that when he had told Sheryl (the owner and one who hired me) i guess she got pretty upset. but she cant say i didnt warn her. i told her upfront in my interview that i was having health problems and that i was pregnant. and she told me there would be no problems. HA! i've never been soo harrassed in my life from a job.
well at the moment im not feeling well. so im going to go lay down again. so laterz for now.
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Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

Time:4:47 pm.
 hmm i thought i'd update a bit. first matter of business...my baby!!! : )    I am about 18 1/2 weeks. and last week i started feeling the baby. theres no doubt that its the baby i'm feeling.  in fact it gets real active right when i'm trying to go to bed. so it keeps me up and i havent been able to fall asleep till about 12-1.  not to mention that for some reason i have become a pretty light sleeper. i used to be able to sleep throught just about anything. but since we moved into our new house i havent been able to sleep through a night with out waking up 2-5 times anight. then it take me a half hour to 45 miins or so to fall asleep again. 
b8ut anyways back to the topic..  Baby stuff.... Kyle and i have bought our stroller and carrier.  His mom sent us the money so its supposed to be her gift for us. the night that we got it, kyle put it together and pushed around the house for a little while. we were going to wait to get it but we realized that the fabric print that we wanted the meridian was being discontinued and there were only two or three left at the walmart in park rapids. so we were talking to kyles mom about it and she told us to go ahead and get it and that she would send us some money for it. 

So i'm still working at the Subway here in Bemidji. but man i wish i didnt. I've never worked for such a chaotic place. they dont treat us employees with any respect but yet expect us to treat them with respect.plus when i was hired one of the owners sheryl who interviewed me..mae alot of promises to me...and now i see they were alll empty promises. plus i told them in the beginning that i was pregnant and that  havent had the easiest time with being pregnant and that i would need some understanding. sheryl told me that i would have all of that.  and plenty of understanding. but i am finding that its her mnager Ellen that doesnt care about anything or anyone but herself. she has no idea what understanding is. thats for sure!!so far for every time that i have had to call in i have had to have a doctors note...if you ask me that s not understanding. but whatever..

well im going to go take out some meat for dinner so tootlez for now.
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Tuesday, September 11th, 2007

Time:9:04 am.
 For those who are interested..i have some ultrasound pictures on my myspace page. the only problem is that they were done awhile ago when the baby was a lot smaller and if you dont know what your looking for your not going to see much.
so anyways heres the link... Pics of the baby  good luck.
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Sunday, September 9th, 2007

Time:3:24 pm.
Mood: blank.
so um yeah.....its been awhile.  
hmmm where do i begin.....i guess it would be important to announce that i am "expecting". and i am due March 14th. 
because of the lovely side affects that accompany the first trimester of pregnancy, i took a month off from work. i have now decided to quit the Bakery however. reason being....there is alot of lifting of pans and racks that i shouldnt be doing. 
so i applied at Subway since i know that there isnt alot of lifting and is a relatively "easy" job. and since i have experience i hoped that i would be able to be hired in at a higher wage. wether or not i get that...we will see. but so far i am actually wondering if this job is even going to be tolerable when it comes to all the drama that goes on there. i've only been there since Tuesday and already i think i have seen way too much drama. but anyways i plan on giving this a month or so before i decide what i think completely. i just hope things get better. 

also, since the last time i updated.....I have been called as the 2nd counselor in the primary at church. so every three months i have to give the sharing time for the month.  this month is my month. and so far so good. 

the Murphy's have a double wide trailer house on their property that they are trying to sell. and it hasnt had any activity all summer long. so they have asked us if we would like to move in and "house sit" it for them for the winter. it would save us alot of money. so we have decided to move there. they are taking it off the market until April i believe. and then we are thinking about moving back to Willmar and both of us going to Ridgewater. I think i want to try and go for Vet Tech and see if that would work. i've always wanted to work with animals in some way shape or form, so i hope this is the answer i am looking for. 

well i cant think of anything else to write right now. and i think thats all there is for now. 
plus im tired of sitting at the computer anyways. so tootlez for now!
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Thursday, July 19th, 2007

Time:7:57 pm.
Mood: blah.
Well i dont remember where i was in my last entry when it comes to telling the details about the reception. but i'm going to try and make this long story somewhat short..just because i have soo much to update on. 


so the people who matter most to me did actually come to the reception. i was really hoping that i would have more than just "family friends" and people we knew from church that would come. (meaning my friends) the first group of friends that walked in were Liz B. Nikki and her boyfriend Matt, and Amanda E. and her date. i turned to kyle was like look!! i have friends!! he laughed at me. lol. but then Russel and Julie and Jennifer walked in a few mins later..and then besides Liz A. that was about it who came, from my "high school buddies"  so i was excted to see them. i just feeel really guilty and really bad because when i first moved back to Michigan, last May i had EVERY intention of getting together with Liz, Nikki, and Amanda. and big surprise...we never did do one thing. so Liz, Im sorry!! will you forgive me? i really am truely sorry. 

a funny thing that happened at the reception.... Liz's mom had made our cake. and it started tipping. so cutting the cake was the first thing on the list of to do's so that we could get pictures of it. the layer that we had a piece of was banana. and WOW!! it was amazing! but....lol..funny still... the only time i actually got to eat any was when i stole a plate with a slice on it and went and hid in the mothers lounge in the womens bathroom. and that was when mostly everyone was gone and clean up had started. 

Liz had some neckalces and earrings made for the bridal party. they were little glass crystals. that were pink, blue and white. they matched everything soo well.  they really looked good. 

Now im going to Fast forward to the night that we stayed in Mackinac.  so we get there, and we go and check in at our hotel. then we went and walked around town. there wasn't much open yet. since it was so early in the season. we didnt go over to the island because we didnt have the money. then after the fact my dad tells me..."if you would have told me, i would have given you some money to go over there with" lol.
well later we get back to our hotel and we had gotten a room with a jacuzzi. and we start running water..and its not getting hot.... so i turn it off and i went to try ad take a shower...i took a luke warm shower. so Kyle...my trooper! goes down to the front desk and asks if there is a problem and blah blah blah. well come to find out the rest of the hotel is out of hot water. and their telling us it could be 11 pm before they get any hot water back. and that they werent refunding money or reimburing or anything. so i begged kyle to just go to another hotel. so we packed up our stuff again, and so i went up to the front desk and made a real show for the guy at the desk. i let the tears flow and slammed the room key down and said thanks for ruining my honeymoon!!! then i stomped out with kyle in tow. hehe...man im good!! so then two seconds later as we're packing our stuff in the car, the guy comes running out and says that he would make us a reservation at another hotel. which happened to be at a hotel that was more expensive and nicer too. and they said that they would pay the difference between the two rooms. so we went to this other hotel. enjoyed the HOT WATER!!  the next morning...holy cow...HUGE continental breakfast!! the biggest i've ever seen!! they even had sausage and biscuits!! it was amazing!! well worth the temper tantrum i through at the other hotel. hehe..

so now we are here in Bemidji Minnesota. it's taking some getting used to but we're here.   Kyle started his new job the day after we got here. but then the end of may the coward that he is..fired Kyle.but instead of doing it himself. he sends his "office manager" and Kyles Friend, Thayne to do his dirty work. it was rediculous. Thayne said that his excuse was that Kyle wasn't "mechanical" enough....right..anyone who knows my husband knows hes very mechanically talented. 

I got a job at the end of May at the Local grocery store Bakery. but its not some little dinky bakery...they actually put out a lot more than i think the average Bakery would. i think i would be safe in saying that we even produce more than Wal Mart as well as better quality than Wal Mart. 
I'm just a packager. but hey..with out people like me...they'd be there forever. and although it is a good steady job.. its a very tiring one. 4-5 days in a row with out a day off and you're dragging butt!! 
luckily though i'm hoping for a chance at a new job. Chris Baumgartner saw a post in the paper about a vet clinic hiring a receptionist. and i match all the requirements..except that i dont have any actual experience in that kind of work. but i think that with a recommendation from the baumgartners i should have a pretty good chance. (Bill is very well known and respected through out the community)  plus it will be good especially since im pregnant now. i'll have a chance to sit down more often. instead of on my feet all day every day. plus its a full time job. plus benefits.so that would be Awesome!   but then again.. the guy that i talked to said that there will be alot of competition. he said the last time he did this he had over 70 applications and resumes to go through. so i hope that by going in and talking to him, he'll see my resume and give it a second glance.  

Today Kyle had a third interview..and will hopefully be starting work at wal mart... doing remodeling for the store. so hopefully it will be a renewed source of income for us. i just hope that he will enjoy it and not dread it too much. and wow the hiring process is almost more bother than its worth. he has to do a drug test... he went through three interviews now. and then he has to do an orientation course..and then training...all that. 

On July 5th my Grandpa Capell died. so my parents rented an RV and packed everyone up (including us) and we all drove out to Idaho for the funeral. Im so glad that he is finally out of his misery. he just wasnt himself anymore. there was his body but its like he had already left. at the funeral. 
At the viewing, they had an american flag draped over his casket and his Honorable discharge papers from the Army from after World War II on top. and i thought that was a really nice add. the local American Legion did a graveside ceremony. and a 21 gun salute. that was really awesome.
funny thing was they were supposed to have the funeral at the Church building in Grace but so many people were saying they were coming that they moved it to the Niter building. and there were still people left standing. the actually funeral service was really nice. i love hearing stories about my grandpa. and i just hope that they don't die with him. the Craig (the guy who lived down the road from my grandparents and whom my grandpa helped alot with his tractors and farming) got up and spoke and told alot of neat stories about my grandpa. i still dont see how my grandpa isnt already perfect when it comes to his character.  i dont think i have ever in my life heard my grandpa complain about any circumstances or situatuations that he was dealt by life. I remember my Grandpa ALWAYS would say, "go to school, go to college and get an education! so you dont end up like me.... but wow if only i COULD turn out like him. maybe not so much in terms of knowledge. but his desire for knowledge.  he only made it through the 7th grade i think it was. and he probably wasn't "Smart" when it comes to the books. but anything when it comes to cars, welding, fixing anything and almost everything, he was the one to turn to. 

well this has to be it for today. this not having regular internet access isnt fun. but anyways, tootles until next time.
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Tuesday, May 15th, 2007

Subject:I'm Sorry things have come to this.
Time:1:41 pm.
Just as a warning to those who actually read my journal, I've been doing some spring cleaning and there are going to be some changes...from now on...unless i have something to say regarding some good news in my life that i dont mind everyone reading about and can't possibly be used against me... everything will be posted as a personal entry. some may be limited to Friends only...so if you are not on my friends list...send me a message @ cutiepie48462@yahoo.com.   If you get a reply and are added then you're all good. if not...then perhaps there is a reason for it.
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Saturday, March 10th, 2007

Subject:I Dont Know
Time:10:58 pm.
Mood: blah.

ok. so i have good news and i have bad news. which to tell first... i think i will tell the good news first since im so excited about it. 
I asked Liz to be my Maid of Honor this past thursday. and she said yes. and shes excited about it! I Love Liz! shes soo awesome.  she
already called me several times with new ideas for things. and shes giving me soo much more support and excitement than Jessica ever has. so im really excited to have such a deserving person be my  maid of honor.

bad news time.... i still havent told Jessica yet that she has been replaced. i know its coming and believe me it is. i just dont know when. but i think that to soften the blow i think that im still going to tell her that she was still a close friend to me for so long and ask her if she would still be a bridesmaid. if she says no.. then i will call my cousin back and see if she still would like to try to make it happen. still might not..but worth a try i suppose. 
more bad news... my tummy hurts. but thats just because there was way too much sugar in my hot chocolate!! on my way home from work i stopped for gas and i got a hot chocolate while i was there. well, when i first pushed the button, this big cloud if powder mix came puffing from the machine. and the stuff coming out was very thick. when i took a sip it was soo sweet and soo rich it was crazy! and for some reason i drank it all. and wow i havent felt very well since then. and that was about an hour and a half ago. 

oh yeah, im working on possibly transferring back to Produce at Bueches. I train in on thursday and Friday, then im there on saturday. only thing that stinks, is that im still scheduled to cashier on those same days. so basically im working two shifts on saturday. which had me as high in hours as they could get me with out getting into too much trouble... 38 1/2 hours!!! lol whew!! thats alot of hours. but..then i had to ruin it... i needed to have this next wednesday off to go to the cake store and shopping with Liz and her mom. but in my note to Diane, i asked for April 14th off not March 14th...so i was in a pickle..but then Tammie came to my rescue and said that she would work for me. (im going to have to bend down nd kiss her feet the next time i see her. i owe her bg time) so im going to see if i can take five hours from her schedule to make up for it.so woohooo... the possibility of switching to produce makes me very excited!! not to mention that i'll be working in the same department as Kyle. although kyle thinks ive made a big mistake by attempting to work with Betty. but oh well.. i think its worth a shot.

well its late now..especially sine day light savings is kicking in tonight... i better get home and get some sleep before its gone. so tootlez for now.

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Friday, February 16th, 2007

Time:12:50 am.
you know, i thought that by living with the Hartzogs, i would be able to use and appreciate the home theatre that they have. and well i've only watched a movie on it a couple of times. and lately Jesse has been having his friends over for sleep overs and they watch movies and play music in there until the wee hours of the morning. and i cant sleep!!! the bass in there is so strong that the walls rattle clear in my room!! 
so yeah thats my complaint for now. 

so far no more news on Grandpa.

Today Kyle and I went into Auburn hills after i got off work and got my ring fixed. one of the prongs that held my diamond in place was bent. then the guy who bent it back in place scratched the prong with the tongs that he used. so i complained about it, and he tried to buff it out. but it still was scratched. so i was like can you try again please. i know that the scratch wasn't that visible but it was to me. and i wanted it fixed. so he then buffed it out better. i can still see where the scratch was but i guess this will have to do for now. 

Well..Mark Williams is calling my cell phone so i will talk later.
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Tuesday, February 13th, 2007

Time:11:23 am.
Update on Grandpa, they have moved him into a nursing home and the reports are actually very positive. i guess that all the activities and interaction that goes on in the nursing home is helping him perk up tremendously. the only thing that is not a positive result is the fact that he still gets uptight and insists that its time to go home. or that its time to leave. he still doesnt pay any attention to my grandma when she visits, so i guess it kindof confirms our fears that he doesnt recognize ANYONE. My aunt Wanda says its been pretty rough on grandma.  but i guess the traveling back and forth to the nursing home is even more rough on her. All the moving around and sitting in the car and all, its really got her bones and muscles aching.  but i guess overall.. this move to the nursing home has been the best thing so far for my grandpa. 


now i have an issue that i need some ideas and advice  from those who read my journal. which i guess that would only be </a></font></b></a>horselover101  lol. but anyways hopefully you can help me. i know that you read my journal entry about my friend Jessica. and how shes not being very friendly right now. well i have come to the conclusion that i don't have room in my wedding for someone who wont even pay me the time of day. and i have someone else who is more deserving of the title of maid of honor. so my problem is... how do i tell her that  i dont want her to be in my wedding anymore? i have a feeling i will end up bawling like a baby but oh well.  it just bothers me that i am getting more enthusiasm and support from my BOSS than i am from her. 
HELP ME!
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Thursday, February 8th, 2007

Time:1:51 am.
I am craving a good hack on a good horse!! i wish i still had Midge to ride!!  im hoping to go talk to Maribeth sometime and ask her if she has anything for me to ride. i need to work out all my worries and stress.  if only there was a horse for me to ride on a regular basis i  could try and lose some weight. riding always kept me in pretty good shape. especially back when i was riding for Alicia. i was riding 2-4 horses a night 4-6 nights a week. that was the best riding shape i have ever been in. but most of all.... work out the stress and worries, like i said before. 
my mom called the other night and told me that my grandpa went into the hospital again.  i guess he fell and my Aunt Ruby wasnt able to get him up, so she called Brad, and he wasnt able to get him up so they called an ambulance.  and i guess that he is now refusing to walk. (he can but he just simply wont) they said that the alzchiemers has progressed to the point where the connectors that tell him he needs to eat/swallow are no longer working. they are lucky if they are even able to get him to eat a bite or two. he no longer recognizes my Grandma.  so they are now sending him to a nursing home.  so i dont know who will go first now... with my grandpa in the nursing home and not knowing who my grandma is, its really taken a big toll on my Grandma. dealing with everything else has really worn her down.  and the track my grandpas on, i really dont think he's going to be around much longer either. My aunt said that back in December my grandpa had stopped taking his meds cold turkey. everything.. his heart meds, his Alzchiemers meds etc. he says they taste nasty. and he wont eat either. She said that after he stopped taking his meds he started peeing in garbage cans, and under the table,  and even tried to aim for the sink in the kitchen. and now that this has happened, my aunt finally said that she cant take care of him on her own anymore.  I guess that now my Aunt has taken my Grandma back home and they are going to go back down to Preston when they move my grandpa. which will probably be Friday. until then they have alarms on my grandpa. while he refuses to get up and walk for the doctor, he will randomly jump up and try to walk out of his room. i guess that last night he did get up and ended up pulling out the IV in his arm and walking into another patients room and told the other patient that he was in my grandpas bed.and i guess it took several nurses to get him back into his own bed and get his IV back in.
well its late and im done updating on my grandpa for now. so good night..altough you could argue that its morning. lol. so anyways...tootlez.
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Wednesday, February 7th, 2007

Time:11:58 am.

Today is February 7th of 2007. three years ago today a close friend of mine, Tiffany passed away after a horrific accident that also left another one of my close friends, Liz paralyzed.    
I keep thinking about the whole thing with Jessica and how shes being anything but a friend right now. and today i keep thinking that it doesnt matter. i've already met the truest friend a person could have on this earth. i took for granted the friendship that Tiffany offered, and now she's gone. and all i can really do is live like she did. kind, gentle, humble, sweet, and most of all forgiving. She was the most Christ like person i have ever met this far in my life. I honeslty dont understand how she lived the way she did. i myself have the hardest time letting my grudges go.  I like what Sid the Sloth on Ice Age says, "I'm too lazy to Hold a grudge."  that must have been the way Tiffany thought. and if you really ponder on the thought... holding a grudge really is alot of work. not only work but pointless work and effort that results in what.?.... NOTHING. so why not do the lazy thing, and not hold a grudge.... its not worth it.  Thankyou Tiffany for being my friend, and showing me what a friend should be.

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Saturday, January 27th, 2007

Time:1:25 pm.
Mood: crushed.
please tell me that im just over reacting. my best friend and i are falling apart. (no not kyle and i..lol he's my best friend too.. but im not talking about him.) im talking about Jesse.   Before her boyfriend moved up here from Florida, she was kindof moody. especially when she would go out with Kyle and me to go to Meijers or something. unless i literally ignored kyle, she would end up grumpy and cold toward us by the end of the night. I understand that she prolly felt like a 3rd wheel but it wasnt like i was ignoring her either. there were time when i would end up ignoring kyle the whole time and hurting his feelings. so there was never a real way around the end of the night grumpyness with her. but yet i wanted to hang out with her, and kyle at the same time. all three of us have been really good friends for a long time. but then once her Boyfriend Mike got here, she was better. there are still times when she'll get grumpy and quiet and all three of us are lost as to what the cause of it was. its not like mike wasnt paying any attention to her...i mean there was a time when Kyle even mentioned how he was jealous of how they had fun together. (hurt my feelings majorly...but i tried to shake it off as a typical male comment that wasn meant to hurt anyone) 
but it's just like she all of a sudden decides to shut every one else out. and it literally makes you feel like you have done something to seriously make her mad or hurt her feelngs.and as often as it happens i still havent gotten used to it. and i've known her for a long time...
But now this is what really hurts me...
Since she has been my best friend since 7th grade (minus 8th grade only due to a stupid fight that we dont even remember what it was about) I asked her to be my Maid of Honor in my wedding. and i guess my expectations were a little high after witnessing how awesome Beckie's Maid of Honor was, but i was hoping that Jesse would be noticeably excited about it. but all i have ever gotten from her is "i guess" or "sure if you want" or "I dont care" or "Maybe". and especially when she's the only real friend i really have out here (except for Beckie but she's married and too busy to even return my calls) i was hoping that i would have some real support and another brain with ideas from here. I know that Jesse is creative and good with decroating ideas and fun stuff like that. so i was really excited. but now my excitement has sort of dissipated now that im figuring out just how much support i have from her.I keep telling myself that im reading too much into this. but every time i talk to her i keep coming back to the same feelings of abandonment.  Especially now that we came back from our trip and the planning for the wedding is in full swing.when i really wish i had her help. and i cant even get her to give me any enthusiasm about flowers or table decorations or anything. i had to go look at flowers at the local Florist and asked if she would go with me since Kyle had to work. we were supposed to meet a half hour before the appointment and she never showed up. i was even going to treat her to our favorite... hot chocolate at McDonalds. 
there was one night though that had given me hope that i was just over reacting. a week or two ago, Kyle and i rented a movie and i called Jesse to see if she wanted to come over and watch it with us. after the movie we looked at year books and laughed about stuff from the good ol days. so then i thought that everything was ok. but then the whole fower thing. then today i told her how i wanted to go sledding one of these times and asked her if she would want to go. then she tells me that oh yeah, well My brother, and Scottie and mike are going up north for a sleddin party. so i was like oh.ok.  she was like i'd still go with you if you want though. as though it was a second thought. or again like i was asking her to do something that she didnt really care to do. i feel like everything i ask her to do with me or atttempt to include her in, is like pulling teeth. and i feel that she literally doesnt care. i guess the reason this hurts soo much is because it feels soo much like what the people in Litchfield did to me. literally abandoned me. started doing things with others, hangin out with other friends, and not including me.  makes me feel like a real loser. i just wish i knew what i was doing to end up this way. 
WHY?

well im done with the self pitty for now i guess.  a little venting i guess you could call it.
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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007

Time:1:59 pm.

the other day at work, a girl that i work with Tori....(who's also a drama queen) "announced" to everyone that she and her Fiance had split up. sad thing is.. there is a baby involved.  
All i can say, is that im glad that i have Kyle. i know i can count on him. he's my best friend! Last night, this girl was talking to me, and she was again talking about her and her Fiance's break up.  then later i was talking to another cashier that i work with Tammie about Wedding plans.  and Tori happened to come over and start bagging for Tammie's lane. mean while Tammie and i are still talking. then all of a sudden out of the blue, Tori starts getting in my face about how i am talking about my wedding plans just because i wanted to make her jealous. then she also said how she was going to laugh when Kyle and I break up, and how we were being stupid and blah blah blah.  she also said that i should know Kyle better and that we were making a pretty big decision. i was like...um duh!!! and yes i know him... we have been friends since Middle school!  and if any one knows me its Kyle. He is my best friend, and i would never dream of marring anyone else. i think that i will get to have the last laugh in this one. hehe.  anyways, after Tori stormed back to her own register, tammie and i look at each other a quietly giggle to ourselves knowing that the other cashiers had all talked and basically made bets as to how long we thought that tori and her fiance would be together and wether or not they would make it. not to sound self righteous or anything but i didnt talk about that thought, i didnt think it was right, especially since i know that there are a few that think the same thing about Kyle and i. but i know that we are going to just have to prove everyone wrong. 

so yeah thats the exciting news of the last few days... oh yeah and before i forget... the wedding date was changed again... its now on April 26th. and the reception on Friday April 27th. and i swear if there is one more date change i will scream at the top of my lungs!!  haha
so yeah i just hope that the extra two weeks will give me enough of two more pay checks. and two more weeks of planning. so there.

well tootlez for now.

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Wednesday, January 10th, 2007

Time:2:04 pm.

  when i went into work i had a fever of 100 or so. then when i went on break my temp had dropped to 98.0  i took my temp again and got 98.1 oh yeah and let me remind you that this whole time i felt like i was on the verge of some sort of break down because my whole body ached so much. i wanted to just curl up in a ball and cry. when i got back from break i had been back maybe a half hour and i went to Jennifer (the head cashier) and begged her to let me go home early. finally just as i was about to burst into tears after lifting another gallon of milk, jen finally told me i could go.so i drove to kyles house where i crashed on the couch for a few minutes while he finished packing up the truck. ( i really would have helped more than i did if i'd had any strength) so then we get in the truck and take off towards I 69. we stopped at a gas station ate a light dinner while going through the car wash. then as planned i drove first. i was actually pretty proud of myself, i drove through all of michigan and most of indiana, then about thirty miles or so outside of the chicago area kyle and i traded spots. whats amazing though is the fact that i stayed pretty alert through the whole drive, normally i have a hard time staying awake for long drives and thats when im not feeling lowsy. Chicago was a breeze!!! i couldnt believe it!! it was soo nice! but then when we got through to wisconsin... sometime during that part of the drive i became pretty loopy according to kyle i dont remember it at all. although i do remember that when i checked my temperature at one of the gas stations it had said 101.9. but then i guess i was pretty weird and talking about some weird stuff and what not. until i like somewhat zonked out or something. i do remember fianlly waking up some where in the cities here in minnesota.now skip ahead to saturday evening... my family had somewhat of  a party going on with some people from the branch.well since i was so sick, after a while i excused myself and went and tried to sleep on my mom and dads bed. now thats the last i remember except for a dream/hallucination that i had. and to be comepletely honest, i dont know much of what i said. kyle said that i was very worried about a knot that i had in my hair. and he said that i apologized to the doctor three times for my bad breath telling him that i hadnt brushed my teeth in awhile. kyle said that when they were questioning me about wether i was pregnant, or if there was any way possible for me to be pregnant, i guess i announced to the whole emergency room that i was a virgin and that kyle was my fiance. there were many things they said that were very amusing. 
So they had a CT scan done on me, then some x-rays, then, they came back saying my blood work showed that my white blood count was concerningly down. so they thought that pointed towards some bigger problem such has lukemia or some other cancer. so they transfered me by ambulance to a hospital in Minneapolis. thats where i start remembering things. i remember that as soon as one doctor looking guy looked at my papers he almost immediately closed the door to my room and left me all by myself. then about 3 mins later the door gets thrown open and a group of 4 doctors and a nurse come in and they all had these masks on. i thought to myself, either they are all sick or they think im deadly...lol.  then the lady doctor starts talking to me and asks me how long i have had my head ache. and then i again had to explain ( i had to explain to the girl in the ambulance too) that its wasnt neccessarily a head ache but rather just immense pressure in my head. she was like ok so how long have you had this pressure. then i told her that i had been feeling lousy for the past day  or two. they all heave this sigh of relief and take the masks off.  i was like ok.. so what was that for? then she tells me that they thought that from the description of the "bad head ache" that i might have Nisceria (sp?) menengitis. and i guess that it is deadly. but that if a person has it, they will die within four hours from it. and since i had had that headache for longer than four hours, i obviously did not have nisceria menengitis. so then i was reduced down to one doctor and the most insensitive male nurse i have ever come across!!! so the doctor then had a strep test done and a flu test done on me. both were done by this mongrel of a nurse. he very roughly (almost a smack) laid his hand on my forehead and shoved the swab thingy down my throat. there was no warning no, "could you please open your mouth"   

then i had to go to the bathroom, and so i asked him where one is and if he could help me, he was like well i need to take care of another patient but the bathroom is just down the hall.  i wanted to just kick the guy in the shins!! i was still very dizzy and about fell over just trying to put my shoes on. and i couldnt wait any longer because i had to go soo bad. so while holding onto the wall i made my way down the hall and found the bathroom, only to discover that some nincompoop had PEED on the seat and all over the darned toilet. GROSS!!  so i used toilet paper to wipe it all down and ten i finally relieved myself and then discovered that the toilet wasnt flushing! i was like wow, could this get ANY better? then when i went to wash my hands the soap dispenser was broken and there was just a pond of soap on the counter of the sink. and it took forever to get any hot water. then i worked my way back to my room.  just to have the doctor scold me for going on my own. by this time i was really getting frustrated. then the nurse guy come back with this thingy and again his hand shoves my head back while he sticks this tube up my nose and squirts this salty liquid up my nose.  it made my nose burn so bad and the stuff started going down my throat so im trying to spit it out.  so it gets all over the front of me. not to mention the tears streaming down my face and the liquid stuff going EVERYWHERE!!! this whole time this guy is all but on top of me and what i wanted most of all was for him to get away from me!! i wanted his hand off my forehead, and i wanted him as far away from me as possible.  then after he gets done with that he goes to check my I V and instead of just looking at it he starts wiggling the end thats in my arm, oh my goodness it hurt. not only does he wiggle it but he then takes his ugly finger and pokes it!!!   OUCH! 

Then about ten mins later the doctor guy comes back and tells me that the test came back and that i for sure had the Influenza type A. (the most serious type of Flu. the kind that people die from) but he said whiole there were few antibiotics for viruses, the flu was one that DID have an antibiotic.  

so i was completely floored!! i had come all the way from Litchfield just to find out i have the flu!!! the people at litchfield did a real quick job of shipping me off, and running up my bills. now why didnt the doctors at Litchfield even THINK to test me for the flu?!! seriously...  they could have atleast ruled out some of the possibilities before they shrugged me off to the next hospital. 

So then we got my prescription and were sent to find the hospital pharmacy. we finally found it... it seemed as though we had gone to the further most corner of the basement. the waiting room had chair, but the seats on them were all cracked and stained and very uninviting. so then the girl that comes to the window to get my prescription slip was quite the eye brow raiser. she had a tight shirt on with a picture of Marilyn Manson and then she had several facial piercings. and colored hair. although she was somewhat nice. but then she comes back to the window and tells us that my info wasnt sent to them yet and that it might be about 45 mins or so before it would be ready. but the orders from the doctor were to take one ASAP, so we asked to let me have atleast one. so i did. i took it. 

then i think that by the time that i got home (my parents home at about 5:30 A.M. sunday morning) i wasnt feeling so well. my stomache threatened to make a return on my deposit every time i smelled food or anything for that matter. i ended up finally throwing up. which helped my stomache feel better for a total of about ten minutes. then by the time i would start feeling a little better, it was time to take another dose of the anitibiotic. then i would end up getting sick to my stomache again. while this was going on we drove up to Bemidji (where my parents are moving to) to look around and see if that was a place that Kyle and i wanted to consider moving to once we are married. at the hotel we stayed at with my mom and siblings i ended up throwing up a couple more times. by the time we got back to Litchfield i had come to the conclusion that the medicine that i had been given was to blame for my being sick. so i decided to stop taking it. and surprisingly my mom didnt make me take the rest of it. 
oh yeah i forgot to mention, the day before we headed up for a tour of Bemidji, My mom took Kyle and I to go see this homeopathic practitioner. and she told me alot of thing sthat i already had come to the conclusion about. for example... Arthritis runs in the family.... she told me that i was at a big risk for Arthritis at a young age.   problems with diabebtes runs in the family.... She told me to really watch what i was eating and my sugars, because i was at risk of Diabetes.She told me that i had had a big hit with the flu.... i OBVIOUSLY knew that one.  basically the only thing i really learned from the experience was some nutritional ideas. although i will admit that i was interested in it. it helped my mom, so i was willing to listen.
 the night before we left for home again , my brothers introduced me to one of their Christmas presents. Dart guns with velcro on the ends of the darts.  and vests with target boards ont hem. with goggles and everything. lol. so we had a fun time with those, shooting them at one another. it was fun to play like that with my brothers again. i also cant believe how much taller they had gotten since my last visit.  i mean my brother is still significantly shorter than the rest of the kids his age, but hey that runs in the family. and my sister, was about the same height as me. it was CRAZY! my LITTLE sister is going to be taller than me i know it. i just hope i can still fight back when she decides that its time to get me back for all the teasing i gave when we were younger....haha.

And then... we drove home.  back to Michigan. back to work at Bueches. ugh!

thats all folks.. this here is the story.



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Friday, December 29th, 2006

Time:11:30 am.
Mood: drained.

yay!! we leave tonight for minnesota!! i get to see my brothers and sister and mom and dad in about 24 hours or so!! woohoo!!!

wow that took alot of energy!!! guess what..... yes, im sick AGAIN!!!!!  i flippin hate working at bueches!!! its like the town pool for sick germs!!! i think i have a little bit of an ear infection, a little bit of a sore throat, and a alot of crap in my chest!! i started coughing yesterday, last night when i went to take a drink of a pop as i was swalowing, i all of a sudden had to cough, so i hurried and gulped down the mouth full of pop, but then i couldnt breath!!! i was pretty scared!! and kyle was just sitting on the bed starring at me.  it basically felt like i was having an asthma attack, and my chest still hurts right now. although i dont know if its because of the crap in my chest or my choking last night,  oh yeah and last night i i coughed all through the night. this morning i woke up with a pounding head ache and the body aches up the waazoo, and the chills and a slight ear ache.

so there im done complaining.

now as a recap on Christmas, its went pretty good for it being the first time with the future in-laws. i got quite a few things for when we get married.  i think that was the most i've ever gotten for Christmas! Erica, dont tell mom and dad that, ok?! thanks.  anyways, Christmas eve, we were here at Kyles moms house, and met her side of the family. then Christmas day we went over to Kyles Aunt Cheryls house. so yeah thats how it played out. 

as for now i need to get going, i need to go over to Jesse's house and change the wrap on scooby's hoof. and before that i need to run back to the hartzogs to get my phone.( i forgot it again!)

so tootlez for now

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Saturday, December 23rd, 2006

Time:2:19 pm.
Mood: frustrated.
the other day i heard a commercial that disturbed me. they said, the real true spirit of Christmas is all about giving, so go buy more and give, give, give! with our new holiday loan, pay no interest for a year.  HELLO people, Jesus Christ is the true spirit of Christmas!!he is the reason we have Christmas in the first place. i highly doubt that the Lord would approve of going into debt to give give give.
 all these "traditional" Christmas songs, have succeeded in getting on my nerves again!! with my fiances help we have been listening to Christmas music since the beginning of NOVEMBER!!! the so called traditional songs dont mention much of the birth of our Savior, thats why i dont like them!! then when i sit in Primary every sunday it so refreshing to hear such sweet songs about the Savior, and Joseph and Mary. lets just say that i have now reached the point of being hostile towards the songs. its like listening to the radio and the top hit songs just DONT GO AWAY!!!  they finally go away but then its back on in less than 11 months!!! SOO FRUSTRATING!!
so for now i have settled for listening to church music and the Mo Tab, im actually addicted to that. lol.  so when Kyles mom turns up the ugly christmas songs downstairs, i fight back with turning up my Mo tab even louder!

I think that part of my problem of not beng able to enjoy Christmas anymore, is the fact that the Christmas season, in the past has never been a worry/care free time for my family. every year around the christmas time we have worried and fretted about money, jobs, and cars. last year we broke down on our way back to minnesota from Utah. we were stuck in wyoming for a day or so. BORING, and again we worried about the money situation. after that was when the whole friend network that i thought i had in Litchfield  fell apart. the year before that we were stillt ight because of the fact that my dad had been out of work for nearly 9 months the year or so before that. a year or so before that was when my dad, i believe, still worked in the automotive industry in Michigan, and with michigans failing economy we worried about wether or not my dad would still have a job by the time the new year rolled around. and same with the year before that. and the year before that. and so on. and the year we moved from Utah to Michigan when i was 12, we lived for a month or so in Auburn Hills and then the week of Christmas we moved to Ortonville, so the whole move was another traumatic experience for me.  so in conclusion everytime Christmas comes around i find myself unconciously bracing myself  for something negative to happen. and again this year im trying to live day to day, and i still find myself analyzing and thinking of the negative things that happen around me. about now i just want to scream! everyones is soo happy and excited for the holiday and im dreading it. i just dont know what to do with myself.
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Saturday, December 9th, 2006

Time:5:51 am.
Seriously what is this world coming to? lol, My lovely Fiance, Kyle is installing a remote starter on my car!! my car is a 1990 Chrysler Le Baron!! we are talking about a pretty out of date car. while its not that bad its still old... im just glad Kyle is confident in knowing what hes doing... i for sure would not know where to start with installing it myslef!!! well im bored in here, so maybe i will go back out in the garage to see how far he's gotten.. so tootlez!!

I LOVE YOU KYLE!!
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Wednesday, December 6th, 2006

Time:9:59 pm.
Mood: crushed.
LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES!

so i got myself in this huge mess, all involving Jesse, Her parents, Beckie, and her horse, and guess who else.... ME. so awhile ago when i had the chance to talk to beckie (when we were at her bridal shower) she mentioned how she felt bad because her horse, Scooby is at her parents house all alone and somewhat neglected. he gets fed, but he just doesnt get much attention from anyone. so i suggested to beckie that she talk to Jesse and her parents because Jesse had told me how they were looking for something (a goat or cow or another pony) to keep jesse's horse company. and since both Jesse's horse and Beckie's horse were lonely i thought that it would be a pretty nice idea For Beckie to board her horse over at Jesse's house. that way Beckies Parents would be relieved of the burden of taking care of Scooby in the winter time. well we talked about it off and on since then. then a week and a half ago or so, i got a text message from Beckie asking if we still wanted to move scooby over to jesse's. i was like um.. yeah if you want to. so she was like well we can do it next week. so i was like ok, so then i asked jesse if she had talked to her parents yet. she said that she had talked to her dad and that he had said that he didnt mind. although jesse never said anything about what her mom thought. then last friday night i get another text message saying that the trailer beckie had lined up for saturday came up with problems. so i took that as a cue for me to help her out in finding a trailer. so i did. the next morning i meet beckie at her parents house to talk about things. i then realize that there was no release form signed yet from either sides involved. then Beckie tells me that she and her husband are leaving to go up to Michigan State to see a friend. so she wasnt going to be there for the trailering. so the lady shows up with the trailer that i had arranged. and we trailer Scooby over to Jesses. well now the two horses get along great! only a few propblems are in th way big time. for one, Scooby's vaccinations arent up to date. hes due to be dewormed in the next week or two, he needs his teeth floated, He's almost out or feed, and no payment schedule was established. and no release form had been signed yet. so now there is a deadline for all this to happen. well only for the vaccinations, the records, and payment, and release forms... all due by friday or he has to leave on saturday. one bir prob though... beckie is being really difficult about the whole situation. so im thinking that the only real solution to the conflict will be to take Scooby back home until those things are in order, or else for good. the only people that wont be happy about Scooby going home is Beckie's Parents. Beckie im sure doesnt give a care as to where he ends up. as long as she isnt stuck with taking care of him anymore. so now my goal is to try and get Scooby moved back home without having to pay another $30 bucks to get him there.i'll probably see if the lady that trailered him there will trade a couple of my saddle pads or something like that for a trailer ride for Scooby. my saddle pads might make a nice Christmas present for her daughter. so im just really hoping that after everything is solved that Beckie is stil my friend and that no hostility remains between anyone involved.

to add to everything else i have finally come to the conclusion that im just going to have to give up on my horsey dreams. there is no way in heaven that im going to see or ride a horse anymore other than the few times that jesse and play with her horse. so i've decided to take all of what little stuff i have and sell it all at the consignment shop in metamora. its going to be hard after all i have gone through to build up all of the stuff that i do have. but its about time i face the cold hard truth, and get some kind of return for the stuff i have before their worth doesnt exist anymore.

so there!! i give up! and no im not happy.
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